Love is one of the most beautiful things in the universe; it moves the heart of humanity along this beautiful path of life. Therefore, when there is a break, when there is a separation, the suffering is also proportional to the beauty of experiencing this love.
And the heart is shattered and the soul empty, like a cold night in a rainy winter. This topic is one of those difficult ones to address because it is, in fact, very painful. Depending on the degree of connection one had with the person, it can be the same process as grieving.
And of course, just because you read these tips won't mean you'll forget or heal this deep wound all at once. Of course not. A broken heart doesn't heal like that. It takes time. But what can you do during this time that seems to never pass and hurts so much? We're not going to teach you anything. We'll just remind you that if you change your perspective and accept some things within yourself, if you take these topics into consideration, you might feel a little lighter during this difficult time. That's the goal: to help you face this difficult time in a less painful way. So here are the suggestions.
Give it time.
Be patient with yourself. It's cliché , but it's true: this is a process. He didn't completely fall in love in hours; it took more days, so the reverse process takes time. It's normal. Don't beat yourself up about it. Accept that this whole process takes time, but that time will eventually heal many wounds. Think: "It's normal to be hurting, it's okay, it will pass. This suffering doesn't define me as a person." Take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale, either through your nose or mouth, until you feel like there's no more air left. And try to relax, as much as possible.
Accept it. You don't have to forget the person from one moment to the next.
In some situations, one of the most vulgar, and obviously understandable, attitudes is to try to make the mind forget that that person ever existed. Only, ten minutes later, or a day later, memory brings it back. And it will always be like this because memory is linked to our survival and doesn't just disappear. Try to realize that what you want is to forget or soothe the pain this person is causing you. Accept that this person, even if they may have broken your heart, can live comfortably in the treasure chest of people in your life. Don't beat yourself up over not forgetting the person overnight. This, if it has to be, will happen over time. Think: "You can live comfortably there—in my mind—but I won't give you much importance."
Don't be alone.
Spending some time alone isn't harmful. Especially since, at this stage, your mind needs a break from the many opinions of others. But don't overdo it. If you're alone for too long, your brain will go into default mode and make you dwell on the problem even more, increasing feelings of depression. Reach out to friends or family, who can both listen to you if you need it and make you laugh. Avoid being alone or surrounded by people prone to drama during this stage.
Do new activities.
New activities require a different kind of attention and end up diverting the focus from the suffering to a different focus, giving you time to relax and let the healing process take place.
Remember the good without forgetting the bad.
At these times, it's also very normal for people to remember the good times more. However, in a way, you may run the risk of overvaluing the person who left and reinforcing the feeling that you can't live without them. All of this is normal. But it's unhealthy because it's not real. We don't want you to start seeing the person as a monster, but try to remember the things you didn't like about them. Try to remember what wasn't going well.
Don't immediately replace one love with another.
It's extremely important, if you can, to meet new people, but that's different from starting to date them right away. Hiding your feelings can help you overcome some pain, but it may not be ideal because it can also mask a love you don't actually feel. Over time, this discovery can hurt you even more and doesn't help the process. Not to mention hurting someone who, in the meantime, has entered your life and doesn't deserve it either.
Don't neglect the physical part.
It's time to take care of yourself. When you're heartbroken, there's an angry mirror. At this stage, you might look in the mirror and think you're the ugliest person in the world because, in reality, you're always wondering if the person left you because "we're no longer beautiful." Therefore, don't neglect yourself. Exercise, run, or walk (super antidepressant activities!), and groom yourself. It's very important that your eyes see you as beautiful. It may not be a panacea, but you can be sure it helps.
Seek professional help.
It's been a while, and you still feel like falling asleep, burying yourself in the sheets, and never waking up again? It's time to put pride aside and be brave. Courage involves talking to a therapist and/or psychologist so you can get concrete help restructuring your emotional self and helping you rise above yourself and live again. Joining self-help groups is also very beneficial. Look for some online and give them a try. Talking to people who are going through the same process as you can be incredibly helpful.
Did you know there's a theory that says we only stay with those we're meant to be with? And that everyone has a purpose in our lives, especially those who hurt us, which is to help us know ourselves better and grow? And that sometimes a period of separation is important for the couple to mature more before getting back together? So, stay strong and stay strong! Everything will be okay.
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, coach, and mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , which she founded in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, graduating with a degree in Pedagogy. Around the same time, she also began studying Reiki, Meditation, and Mindfulness. She later pursued psychology and delved deeper into mindfulness to continue her struggle to manage stress and anxiety.
