Seeking psychological help remains a challenge for many men, especially when the reason is related to sexual difficulties. One of the main causes of this situation is related to the expectations and stereotypes that society attributes to masculinity. From childhood, many men are raised to repress their emotions and maintain an attitude of strength and invulnerability. The transmission of beliefs such as "men don't cry," "depression is for weaklings," or "a real man is always ready for sex" reinforces the social construct of masculinity, leading many men to be reluctant to seek outside help or acknowledge their psychological and sexual vulnerabilities.
On the other hand, several studies indicate that women are more likely to recognize symptoms that require psychological support, such as depression and anxiety. This is because, from a young age, women are encouraged to talk about their feelings and seek help when needed.
These facts reflect my experience as a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and marriage therapist. Over the course of more than twenty years as a healthcare professional, I've seen that in heterosexual couples, when the symptoms of sexual dysfunction are present in the male partner, the first consultation reveals a high degree of wear and tear in the romantic relationship. Often, the partners see therapy as a last resort to save the relationship, as it's not uncommon for several years to have passed in which the partners have repeatedly postponed seeking help. However, when the symptoms are present in the woman, I see a greater ease in seeking help, which leads to the relationship not having suffered such significant wear and tear associated with the sexual problem.
A typical example of what was described in the previous paragraph concerns a lack of sexual desire. Contrary to popular belief, Hypoactive Sexual Desire, commonly known as "lack of libido" or "lack of sexual desire," is not a problem exclusive to women. The truth is that, in a clinical setting, the number of requests for help for this condition is very similar between men and women. However, when the woman experiences a lack of sexual desire, the couple tends to seek help quickly, whereas when it's the man's problem, the symptoms may have been present for several years before the first appointment is scheduled.
Hypoactive sexual desire manifests itself through a persistent or recurrent decrease in interest or initiative in sexual activities and the absence of sexual thoughts or fantasies, significantly affecting the quality of one's own life and that of one's marriage.
To restore sexual desire and improve overall well-being, it's important to understand the causes and address the problem through medical and/or psychological approaches. The causes of hypoactive sexual desire are multifactorial and involve a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors, including:
- Biological Factors – These are often associated with hormonal changes, particularly low testosterone levels, but can also be due to chronic diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, or thyroid disease. It's important to consider that some hypertension medications and certain antidepressants and antipsychotics can have side effects that affect sexual response, including sexual desire. It's also common to find changes in sexual desire as a consequence of other health problems such as obesity, cardiovascular disease, and sleep disorders.
- Psychological Factors – High levels of stress and anxiety are common as the main enemies of sexual desire, due to work, personal, or financial issues, depression, and traumatic life experiences. Many men also tend to experience decreased sexual desire as a result of other sexual dysfunctions, such as erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation.
- Social and relational factors – conflicts, lack of communication and satisfaction in romantic relationships – can also directly impact sexual desire.
This complex set of factors makes treating hypoactive sexual desire, in both men and women, quite challenging for healthcare professionals. In fact, having balanced testosterone levels isn't enough; even with normal values, a lack of sexual desire can occur. Similarly, a conflicted romantic relationship may not directly affect libido.
This leads us to understand that regardless of gender or sexual orientation, it is important for people to recognize that hypoactive sexual desire is not a reflection of a weakness or failure, but a treatable health issue!
There is no point in suffering in silence when there are solutions!
Text written by:
Fernando Mesquita, Clinical Psychologist, Sexologist and Sexual and Marital Therapist.
Recognized as a specialist in Clinical Psychology, Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy, and Sexology by the Portuguese Order of Psychologists (OPP). Recognized as a Psychologist by the EFPA (European Federation of Psychologists Associations), Sex Therapist by the Portuguese Society of Clinical Sexology (SPSC), and Sexologist by the American Board of Sexology (ABS). Cognitive Behavioral Therapist by the Portuguese Association of Integrative Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (APTCCI), and EMDR Therapist.
Author of 3 books: “SOS Manipuladores” (published by Esfera dos Livros); “Learning to LOVE” and “Fallen Gods” (published by Saída de Emergência). Co-author of the book "Caring for sexuality throughout life" (published by Lidel).
Official page: https://fernandomesquita.net
