No, it's not easy; it requires time and some dedication. But it is possible, and it's a great help. By replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you can significantly improve your mood and sense of well-being. But how do you do it? In this article, we'll give you some tips, designed and approved by leading experts in cognitive therapy. But first, you need to know that humans tend to focus much more on negative thoughts than on positive ones, partly because there's a part of the brain, called default mode, that stores our biggest worries, etc. This part is larger than the one that stores the good things. Therefore, it's this part (the one that stores the not-so-good things) that becomes more easily activated and makes us think about what worries us, scares us, and so on.
However, sometimes it's rational and necessary to dwell on negative thoughts to improve certain aspects and avoid repeating mistakes. It's part of our survival system. The problem is that we overdo it, we can't stop doing it easily, and we end up thinking about negative things irrationally and excessively.
Positivity is much more helpful in resolving certain situations than negativity. A common example is a thought like: " I always mess up ." Even though we tend to make mistakes, I'm sure we've done (and continue to do) things that worked out where (when and how) we didn't " mess up. " Therefore, this exaggerated, untrue thought makes us feel even more unhappy, anxious, and depressed, for no reason. Our thoughts affect our feelings, and exaggerated negative thoughts increase the effects on (bad!) sensations. Imagine the emotional effect of the same thought if you changed it to something more accurate, such as: " Sometimes I mess things up. " It's a slight change, but it provides a more accurate assessment of the situation, and the thought isn't as loaded with negativity.
So, what we recommend is that you try to more accurately evaluate the thoughts that pop into your mind—it's not easy, but try. Over time, this will make your emotional state generally more positive. After all, positivity is much more helpful in resolving certain situations than negativity. So, even though it's not easy, here are some more tips that can help you in many situations:
Whenever you notice yourself having a negative thought, check to see if you're overreacting. If you're overreacting, acknowledge it calmly (we all do) and then try to replace it with a more positive one. Even if it's just changing one small word, as exemplified above. (If you find yourself feeling angry, depressed, upset, or anxious, consider this a clue to help you examine your thoughts more closely.)
Check the accuracy of the facts that may have prompted your thought. Ask yourself:
- "Are my thoughts factual or could they just be my interpretation of that reality?";
- "How can I find out if my thoughts are really true?";
- "Am I not reaching negative conclusions too quickly?";
- "I've already realized that this thought I have now is about a fact. But is it always like this? Doesn't this fact vary?"
Look for alternative explanations. Ask yourself:
- "Are there other ways I can look at this situation?";
- "What else could this mean?";
- "If I wanted to be more positive, how would I view this situation?"
Change your perspective. When you're upset, you're likely to think about things in a much more negative (or extreme) way than usual. This can make negative feelings much more pronounced. Putting things in perspective can help you reduce this extreme self-talk. Ask yourself:
- "Is this situation as bad as I'm making it?";
- "What's the worst thing that can happen? And how likely is it?";
- "What's the best thing that could happen?";
- "What is most likely to happen?";
- "Is there anything good in this situation?"
Use "goal-directed" thinking. Consider that your current mindset may be self-defeating (meaning it doesn't make you feel good or help you achieve what you want). Ask yourself:
- "Does thinking this way help me feel good or achieve my goals?";
- "What can I do to solve the problem?";
- "Is there anything I can learn from this situation to help me do better next time?"
Analyze the cost-benefit of believing your thoughts this way. Ask yourself: "On a scale of zero to ten (zero being nothing and ten being a lot), how much does negative thinking hurt me?"
Write down your answers and decide if you gain more by believing this thought is more harmful than beneficial. If you perceive it as more harmful than beneficial, try letting the thought go, or at least consider the possibility that it isn't as true as you think.
Note: The entire concept of mindfulness , including meditative practices, helps (immensely!) to work through negative thoughts. So stop being lazy and take better care of yourself. This will bring you much more peace and happiness. It's worth the effort. Stay strong!
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, coach, and mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , which she founded in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, graduating with a degree in Pedagogy. Around the same time, she also began studying Reiki, Meditation, and Mindfulness. She later pursued psychology and delved deeper into mindfulness to continue her struggle to manage stress and anxiety.
