It seems like every workplace has them: people with the power to make us feel less than good (or even bad!). And they come in all shapes and sizes. Some are annoying, some are overly negative, some are overly competitive, and some are downright malicious. This human trait in the workplace is unhealthy and can seriously compromise our success and even our mental health.
Therefore, it's important to know what you can do to deal with these types of people. Is it easy? Of course not. But it is possible. See the tips below.
1. Lower your expectations . Accept that no one changes overnight. Stop assuming that person will change one day and wasting energy trying to make them change. They may even become different, but not because of your efforts. Only life changes us. From now on, accept that this person is the way they are and that only you can change. Or rather, you can try to change the way you see them, communicate with them, and act toward them. The first thing to do is, in fact, stop having so many expectations of others. Accept that you find them annoying. Stop ruminating about why they are the way they are and focus on your new way of dealing with the issue.
2. Remove "toxic" people from your mental throne . Stop giving so much importance to these types of people. You have your own life and those you love and who love you and who deserve to be there, on the podium of your thoughts. Don't allow others to take up so many hours of your mind. Think of them as human beings who also have problems, who may even be doing the best they can at that time in their lives, but it's not your fault they act this way, and that the only thing that unites you is work. Nothing else. When you're dwelling on toxicity, think about the people or things that make you happy. You can help by reading the article "What Motivates You?" here, on Frederica.
3. Remember your skills . Don't be complicit in your humiliation. Or rather, don't let the insults the other person may direct at you become reality for you. Don't assume that everything the person says or does is intentionally meant to hurt you, because often, that's not the case. If you can respond without sparking an argument, do so, but otherwise, ignore it (at least internally) because it's more than proven that only those who feel terrible about themselves (even if they don't realize it) try to make others feel the same way. Remember your skills and view criticism as a potential way to refine your work. Don't take it personally.
4. Set boundaries . Without communicating this aggressively, if possible, from the beginning of your working relationship with colleagues, make yourself known. Cordially discuss how you like to be at work and what you generally tolerate and what you don't. You can also take the opportunity to hear what colleagues say about themselves. So, if the person who bothers you crosses the line and doesn't respect yours, you should talk to your manager about it. However, if this happens, be rational and fair: focus only on the professional side. Don't use the opportunity to bring up all the other things you dislike about the person.
5. Distance yourself physically or emotionally . If you share the same workspace with someone who is disturbing you, it may not be possible to distance yourself physically, but if you can, try. Request a different place to work, giving a plausible reason, such as needing to be alone to focus, or another reason you find relevant. If this is not possible, distance yourself mentally and emotionally. If you can, listen to music quietly, preferably ambient music, that doesn't trigger too many emotions ( Chill Out, Bossa Nova , Zen , etc.), but that helps you relax and distract yourself from the person bothering you. Try to take breaks, such as lunch, away from the workplace as much as possible, and if possible, take a walk outdoors. Read the article "Learn to Manage Everyday Stress and Anxiety " here on Frederica.
6. Know how and when to communicate . However short or long it may be, at least occasionally, you'll have to cross paths (or be with) this person. Therefore, learn to understand the best time and how to communicate with them. This applies if the person bothering them is their boss. Sometimes it's better to wait and, if appropriate, send an email later with the topic at hand. However, always try to communicate constructively and never fuel arguments so as not to unnecessarily disturb your peace of mind. If you have meetings with the person, remain as calm as possible but be assertive. However, don't confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. Try to remain "nice" without being too friendly. Share only what's work-related, and when you feel tension building, take a break, for example, to go to the bathroom. Remember this old Eastern saying: "If you already know that the horse kicks, why do you insist on walking behind it?"
7. Surround yourself with positive people. It's important to offset this toxicity at work by surrounding yourself with people with positive, positive energy. Try to spend time with friends and/or family who are most supportive, with whom you can vent and be yourself, without judgment or criticism.
8. Analyze yourself. It's okay to try to understand whether you might sometimes be the one triggering that behavior in the other person. (Re-read the last sentence of point 6). It's also beneficial to try to understand whether you occasionally fuel the spiral of negativity: sometimes you might also be a bit irritating or complicating matters that could be easily resolved. If you think this might be the case, read How to Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Thoughts by Frederica.
9. Seek professional help. If you start to feel very tired, even upon waking, or feel like crying just thinking about having to go to work, or experience physical symptoms of anxiety, etc., please don't hesitate to seek professional help. "Your health comes first" may be one of the most tiring phrases to hear, but it's also one of the most realistic and factual. In this website's article , Burnout Syndrome: Professional Burnout, you can assess your current situation and get even more tips to protect yourself.
Remember: we are all human and have problems to solve, so we should try to be tolerant of one another. But everything has a limit. And this limit has a name: it's called the border between health and illness.
Vanda do Nascimento is a therapist, coach, and mindfulness instructor at the Escola de Mindfulness Essencial , which she founded in 2016. She began her career as a teacher in 1997, graduating with a degree in Pedagogy. Around the same time, she also began studying Reiki, Meditation, and Mindfulness. She later pursued psychology and delved deeper into mindfulness to continue her struggle to manage stress and anxiety.
